How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
