so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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