He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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