If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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