I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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