she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
