Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
