the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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