so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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