you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
