areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
