we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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