So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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