Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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