so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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