after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
