He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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