I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
