I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
