he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
