my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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