Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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