I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
