What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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