im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
