Please, let me fuck your mom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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