I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
