We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
