youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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