Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
