I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
