Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
