I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
