There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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