Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
