how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
