there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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