The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
