Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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