Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
