And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?