Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
