I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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