I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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