saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
