Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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