fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just google imaged poop.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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