I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
