When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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