im having a threesome with these popsicles
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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