I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
