and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Shame is for Republicans.
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