i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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