just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
