i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
