even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
