Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
