Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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