Ketchup is God's man juice
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
