The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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