does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
