Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
