we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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