Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Couch. On fire.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
