i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
