so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
