he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
