idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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