Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
