and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
