shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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