wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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