I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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