my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
