why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
