Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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