My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
