if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
