I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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