Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
