I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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