just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
