I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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